That One Time I Expensed a Gun Case

Setting the Scene…

Back in the early-2000’s, WiFi was far from ubiquitous.

• Most laptops and other mobile devices didn’t even support WiFi unless you added a PC Card.
• WiFi really sucked back then.  Typical distances were maybe 50 feet through walls, or even up to 100 feet with a clear line of sight.  If the signal was blocked by anything brick or metal, simply forget it.
• Back then, an access point and a “router” (firewall) were two different devices, making WiFi a little bit more difficult to configure, and much harder to secure.

At the time, the company I worked for sold software and consulting services for financial institutions, and it was normal for our company to have a booth at one of several technical or trade shows throughout the year.

One of the guys who worked some of those trade shows came to us and said “Normally, we get a single ethernet connection for internet access, and if we bring a router [firewall], we can at least share a single connection, but all these cables make it prohibitive to do anything productive.  Can you guys think of a way that we could plug something in that would allow us to all use WiFi instead?”

One of my guys came up with the idea to get a router, an access point, some cables, a power strip, and some WiFi PC Cards, put all of it in a box, and pre-configure everything so that all you needed was power and ethernet.

We even had an extra-long uplink cable so that the box could be located almost anywhere, allowing you to be able to optimize the position of the AP to get the greatest coverage.

The only thing left was to figure out how to ship this thing across the country, repeatedly, without having to package it each time.

At the time, you could get a padded, hard-sided camera case for about $200, which was not going to fly, since IT was paying for it, and we had virtually no budget.

So we went to Wal-Mart to see if we could improvise.

After looking through almost the entire store with no luck, we happened to be in the sporting goods section, and what do you know?  There’s a hard-sided, padded pistol case, with briefcase-style combination locks for about $20.

And that’s how I came to expense a gun case.

Of course, the poor fellow in Accounting who processed my expense report saw the receipt, which clearly stated “gun case” and was rather alarmed.

After a quick explanation, we showed him a picture of the case with the equipment inside, and everything was fine.

He did say that this was one of the most unusual expense reports he’s ever processed, but not THE most unusual, and you really have to wonder about that.

Because it looked like something that might contain nuclear launch codes, we called it the “Wireless Football“.

After a few faithful years of service, all the cables and PC Cards were looted by another department.  By that time, it was kind of unnecessary, because most venues were starting to offer free WiFi and most devices had built-in WiFi cards.

We ended up re-purposing the router and AP to build a home VPN lab.  The case sat around for quite some time, and I think we even used it a couple of times to ship equipment.  Eventually it disappeared – either “appropriated” by another department, or thrown away during one of the many equipment purges.

[Edit 2/15/2020]

Thanks to Aaron for the pictures!

Wal-Mart Pistol Case

Router, AP, PC Cards (in box) and cables

WiFi PC Cards packed individually for transport

It’s Sad When You Have to Show MacGyver How to Disarm a Bomb

As I’ve previously written, I had high hopes for the 2016 MacGyver reboot.

Unfortunately, where the original show was clever and somewhat educational, the new show simply condenses most of the “MacGyverisms” in to MacGuffinisms, omitting the science, process, and sometimes, even the basic concepts involved.

I’ve been meaning to write an analysis of how poorly the show depicts science and technology, especially computers and computing, and about how half of the crap he builds, simply wouldn’t work.

However, when I watched S3:E9 “Specimen 234 + PAPR + Outbreak”, I saw something so egregious that I couldn’t let it pass without comment.

Having written about bomb myths and cliches, it was difficult to see past the flaws in the opening scene of this episode.

Setup:  Mac and Jack are in a steel cage, locked with a lever padlock, to which THIS abomination was affixed (no pun intended):

Mac makes the statement that it would be too difficult to pick the lock without triggering the bomb.

Let’s Take a Closer Look

• First impression:  Except for the fake “logic board”, which really appears to be some sort of analog IO controller, the bomb appears to be extremely low-tech.  There are no (visible) motion triggers, no collapsing circuits, and no false leads.  You could probably remove the “logic board” and simply direct-wire all of the other components.  You might need a relay if the trigger circuit is normally-closed, and you might need a capacitor to boost the detonating current.  With no visible antenna wire, and knowing that the steel cage probably interferes with a radio signal, there is probably no remote trigger.
• The MacGuffin board is obviously fake.  Aside from the fact that there are data connectors in the lower-left and upper-right edges, the traces on the board itself are too small and fragile to carry a current that would be capable of detonating the blasting cap.  Instead, the traces on the board would simply vaporize when triggered.  Further, there appear to be two logic chips, one of which appears to be an ASIC.  I mean… is this a PROGRAMMABLE BOMB???  Does it run “BOMB Operating System”, and at some point, you plan to upgrade to “BOMBOS 2.0”?
• The so-called trigger is a lever padlock.  Ostensibly, if you attempt to manipulate the internal locking system, you either interrupt a circuit, or close one, triggering the bomb. 
  
  However, lever padlocks are all-metal, and to be clear, the lever-locking mechanism is also metal.  So maybe the circuit is normally-open, and perhaps there is a small bit of plastic that will fall out if you fiddle with the lock, allowing a circuit to complete.  This is unlikely, as the placement would be tricky, and most likely, the trigger wire would ground out against the lock’s metal body or lever regardless.  Moreover, if the circuit is normally-open, you could simply delete the trigger by cutting one of the trigger wires.
  
  Maybe the circuit is normally-closed, and fiddling with the lock will cause the trigger wire to disconnect from the lock’s body, triggering the explosion.  Again, this would be tough to do without blowing yourself up by just setting the trigger in place.
  
  In either case, how is their captor supposed to unlock the cage??  Perhaps he disables the bomb, removes the trigger wires, and THEN unlocks the padlock.  All of this is too unnecessarily complicated and unreliable.  A better approach would be to use a motion trigger, and perhaps a simple, normally-closed loop of wire around the door and frame of the cage, that acts as a secondary trigger if broken while attempting to open the cage door.
• The detonator appears to be a blasting cap, embedded in what appears to be a block of soap.  Although the blasting cap appears to be real enough, the “explosive” looks strangely translucent-green.  My wife says it looks like gel soap wrapped in cellophane, and she’s probably right.  Although they obviously can’t and shouldn’t use real explosive, a little effort to make it look realistic would have been appreciated.
• The power source appears to be a “AA” battery.  If so, it would have insufficient voltage to drive the “logic board”, and insufficient power (current) to detonate the blasting cap. 
  
  Maybe the battery is supposed to be a lithium battery, like the type used in photography flash bulbs, or a rechargeable such as the 18650.  Both of these can deliver higher voltages and / or higher current over a short duration, which would definitely be sufficient to detonate the blasting cap, but would probably fry the logic board.

Disarming

Since MacGyver can’t seem to figure this out, I’ll give him some help.

Here are several ways that he could disarm this device (in order of difficulty):

• Pull out the blasting cap.  Because it’s coiled, there is a nice, long lead wire, which would allow you to position the cap far enough from the explosive, that it wouldn’t respond to the cap detonating.
  
  Better yet, put the cap inside the keyhole of the lock, along with a small blob of explosive, and yank the trigger wire in order to blow the lock apart.
• Cut the blasting cap’s wires.  One at a time.  Cutting both simultaneously might allow one of the leads to short to ground, which could detonate the cap.
• Cut the leads from the power source.  Cut the negative first, then the positive.  This prevents the battery from creating a current surge across the negative terminal, if the positive lead is cut first.  Although most devices are switched from the positive lead, if the positive lead is cut first, it leaves the negative lead and the circuit ground in contact with each other.
• Short the trigger wires across the terminals.  This assumes that the circuit is normally-closed, and that there is some voltage flowing through the trigger wire at all times.
  
  Conversely, if the trigger is normally-open, simply cut the trigger wires (one at a time, of course).

Not that he couldn’t easily pick a lever lock in short-order using found tools, but…

Once the bomb is disarmed, the blasting cap could be used to blow up the lock.

Or, they could burn some of the explosive to melt the chain in order to get free, and then rig the rest of the bomb with a tripwire, set to actuate when their captor returns.

My new favorite thing is to play the song, “You’re the Best” from”Karate Kid” while Windows Updates are running.

Let’s make Windows Updates inspirational again!

Thought for the Day

Every Decade Has a Letter.

Each of the last three decades had a “letter” that defines the branding of online services:

1990’s:  “e” (Electronic)

• eCommerce
• eMusic
• eWeb
• E-mail
• eSearch
• ePortal
• eOnline
• etc…

2000’s:  “i”  (Internet)

• Apple products:  iPhone, iTunes, iPod, etc..
• iWeb
• iSearch
• iPortal
• iOnline
• etc…

2010’s:  “x” (???)

• xWeb
• xSearch
• xPortal
• xChange
• xOnline
• etc…

I hereby predict that the 2020’s letter is “q” (quantum / quick):

• qWeb
• qSearch
• qPortal
• qOnline
• etc…

Selecting Tax Software, 2017 (Tax year 2016):

Do you need to file a State income tax?

• Yes:  TurboTax Deluxe
• No:  TurboTax Deluxe

Selecting Tax Software, 2018 (Tax year 2017):

1. Pick a Kanji pictogram
2. Convert it to ancient Chinese
3. Speak it in hushed whispers to Cthulhu
4. Cthulhu will, in turn, flash a gang sign to the ancient Egyptians
5. The ancient Egyptians randomly pick a hieroglyph
6. The hieroglyph has nothing to do with anything
7. Pick some TurboTax edition at random
8. Pay $30 more than you planned.

(Credit to my son, Morgon)

The Next Indiana Jones Movies

1. (Raiders of the Lost Ark) Supernatural artifact from God
2. (Temple of Doom) Set of supernatural artifacts related to an ancient religion
3. (Last Crusade) The most famous supernatural artifact, related to King Arthur, the Knights Templar, and the Crusades
4. (Kingdom of the Crystal Skull) Supernatural artifact related to Aliens
5. PREDICTION:   Supernatural artifact related to time travel
6. PREDICTION:   Star Wars Cross-over

:-)