Rant About Google Play<\/span><\/h2>\nI attempted to publish this application through Google Play – I have written and published a couple of other applications that are out there already.<\/p>\n
I PAY $35 every 2 years to publish applications on the Google Play store.\u00a0 This is NOT A FREE service.<\/p>\n
When I attempted to publish this application, it immediately got rejected with no explanation.<\/p>\n
After some digging, I found out that it was rejected “because the application was deceptive”.<\/p>\n
Deceptive, as in….?<\/p>\n
<RANT><\/p>\n
Let me recap:\u00a0 I’m NOT ASKING for money, I CLEARLY CALL OUT possible health warnings within the application, and I CLEARLY state that “your results may vary”.<\/p>\n
As a matter of fact, you have to click YES to accept the warning EACH AND EVERY TIME YOU RUN THE APP.<\/p>\n
So….. HOW am I being deceptive?<\/p>\n
As it turns out, “the Google gods” (because I never actually got to speak to a policy maker) deemed that my “claims” to repel flying insects was “beyond the device’s capabilities”.<\/p>\n
Really?\u00a0 HOW THE FUCK DOES GOOGLE DETERMINE THIS?\u00a0 (Excuse my language – I try to keep this site rated “G”)<\/p>\n
In order to publish the app under Google’s terms, I would have to call it a “prank” or “joke”.<\/p>\n
I dug and dug, but Google would not reply to my request, regarding how that determination was made.\u00a0 I mean, people figure out new and clever hacks for EVERYTHING, EVERY DAY.\u00a0 Does Google just somehow mind-meld with the entire internet to determine that, yes, in fact, my claims about my application are false?\u00a0 Even if that’s the case, SOMETHING NEW GETS INVENTED EVERY DAY.<\/p>\n
So without explanation, Google has unilaterally decided that a phone running Android can’t possibly do what I claim to do within my app.<\/p>\n
OK, so what if I wrote a radiation detector application?<\/p>\n
NOT POSSIBLE, RIGHT???<\/p>\n
WRONG.\u00a0 Radiation will trigger spurious flashes of light within the CCD sensor used by the camera.\u00a0 I could, in theory, count anomalous pixel values over a period of time, to give some idea about the level of background radiation – THIS IS SCIENCE AND IT WORKS, NOT science fiction.<\/p>\n
Google would immediately ban my app because I am making a claim that’s “beyond the device’s capability”.<\/p>\n
So basically, ANYTHING NEW and ANYTHING DIFFERENT are AUTOMATICALLY BANNED, right??<\/p>\n
From the ivory tower, Google simply deems what is and is not “Google-ish” enough to pass muster, without any scientific or unbiased consideration.<\/p>\n
Even through multiple appeals, all I got was a qausi-automated response – to be honest, I’m not sure I ever communicated with human being.\u00a0 I asked for an escalation, TWICE, and never got one.\u00a0 They just closed the case and moved on.<\/p>\n
Further, they put a “STRIKE” against my Google Play account!<\/p>\n
LET ME RECAP:\u00a0 I PAY FOR THIS.\u00a0 THIS IS NOT FUCKING YOUTUBE, WHERE A BUNCH OF IDIOTS COPY OTHER PEOPLES’ SHIT ALL DAY.\u00a0 (Sorry for the swearing)\u00a0 I DID NOT ASK FOR MONEY, NOR DID I MAKE ANY CLAIM THAT WASN’T TRUE.<\/p>\n
I demanded that this so-called “Strike” be removed immediately, to which I got no response.<\/p>\n
SO HERE IT IS:<\/p>\n
THE APP THAT’S SO FUCKING DANGEROUS THAT GOOGLE DOESN’T WANT YOU TO HAVE IT!!<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\nYes, it’s click bait, but FUCK GOOGLE.\u00a0 (Sorry for swearing)<\/p>\n
<\/RANT><\/p>\n
In summary, here are my complaints with Google Play, and how this situation was handled:<\/p>\n
\n- This is the problem with automated filtering, and current-gen AI in general – when it works, it’s great, but when it goes sideways, or someone orders “off the menu”, you get stuck in some kind of customer service purgatory.<\/li>\n
- There was ZERO constructive feedback, other than “Go review the application guidelines…”.\u00a0 I AM NOT a full-time developer, and I don’t have unlimited time and resources to “just go figure it out”.\u00a0 Where is the advocacy?\u00a0 Where was the constructive feedback?\u00a0 I even specifically asked, “hey what if I put ‘EXPERIMENTAL’ in the app title?”, NO RESPONSE.\u00a0 This lack of advocacy is unacceptable.\u00a0 This leaves me on my own to “interpret the commandments from the ivory tower of Google”, to go come up with some solution to a problem that shouldn’t exist.\u00a0 WHICH IS WHY I SELF-PUBLISHED.<\/li>\n
- There is ZERO access to a human being for escalation or arbitration.\u00a0 You appeal…. DENIED!\u00a0 Close case, done.\u00a0 “Hey, can I explain it?”\u00a0 NOPE.\u00a0 Can I get some help?\u00a0 NOPE.<\/li>\n
- There is no published list of use-cases that are within the device’s capabilities.\u00a0 If you’re going to deny it, you MUST have some kind of use-case index, but I AS A DEVELOPER have no access to such an index.\u00a0 I WANT TO SEE AN ENUMERATED LIST OF ALL ALLOWED USE-CASES.<\/li>\n
- I PAY FOR THIS.\u00a0 This is not a free service such as YouTube, where anyone can upload content.\u00a0 I HAVE A STRIKE AGAINST ME, BUT I PAY FOR THIS.\u00a0 AND THERE IS NO WAY TO REMOVE THE STRIKE.\u00a0 The last time I checked, this constitutes FRAUD.\u00a0 Google can basically stop providing A SERVICE I PAID FOR, at ANY TIME, for ANY REASON, without ANY RECOURSE.\u00a0 So I should basically cower in fear of the Google Gods, whom I have obviously offended, or maybe just go burn $35 in the middle of my fireplace.<\/li>\n
- PUTTING A STRIKE AGAINST ME EQUATES TO LIBEL.\u00a0 There is no way to undo it, there is no way to work against it, BUT IT’S MY GOOD NAME on the line, as a technologist and amateur app developer.\u00a0 Google can simply SHUT ME DOWN, and because my name is my ID, my YouTube channel and everything else is similarly threatened.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
So here I am…. A rebel. \u00a0 A Google criminal.\u00a0 I now have a “Google rap sheet”.\u00a0 Simply for trying to publish an experimental application.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n
For the gentle reader’s reference, here is the last e-mail to Google, from which I received no response:<\/p>\n
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